Last night I decided to log into AIM to chat with a friend that I haven’t spoken to in ages. Fig & I had met a few years back while beta testing The Sims Online. We became really good friends & even met in person.
Well, while logged in, someone that I HATE sent me an IM. At first, I ignored it. However, he kept sending them. Curiosity got the best of me. I answered Joe to find out what he wanted. After all that he had done to me, he thought I was upset with him about a little IM conversation that happened over a year ago.
Now I know that hate is a very strong word to use. However, when it comes to Joe, that isn’t strong enough.
Ok. Let’s step back in time to review what happened.
It all started back in October 1999. I was still in the midst of a nasty custody battle with my ex husband. I was extremely depressed at all the stuff that he was putting me through. I had heard about the Witches Ball at the local UU. I decided to go with my sister and one of our friends. It was there that I first met JH. I was really in a bad place in my life and needed a shoulder to lean on. That was my first mistake. I have learned that you cant lean on anyone. You have to rely on yourself.
We seemed to hit it off pretty good to begin with. He seemed like a nice guy. He had a decent job at the local hospital. Pretty soon, the true Joe emerged. Money kept going missing from my purse after I would leave his place. No I dont have proof that it was him.
Unfortunately, I became pregnant. In January 2000, I went to do something that I said I would never ever do. I had an abortion. That was very traumatic for me. I had always felt that women have the right to choose to have one if they want, but I always stated that I personally would never have one. JH was supposed to have paid for half of it. I ended up paying for the entire thing because he conveniently didnt have any money. His car wasnt running right so we had to take my car. I hadnt been having difficulty with my car at all. At the time, I was driving an automatic. You know how on automatics, you have drive & sometimes D1 & D2. Well he kept switching between D1 & D2 while driving. He blew my transmission out on the way back to his place after the abortion. So here I am, still a little groggy from the anesthesia, sitting by the side of the road waiting for someone to pick us up. Needless to say I was pissed. We broke up a short time later.
Afterwards, I kept bleeding. I called the place several times. I was continuously told that since I had a thyroid issue, it will take me longer to heal. Since I had just started a new job, I didnt have any insurance. I was stuck waiting to see if I healed. In April, I passed a fetal sack. Apparently, I was carrying more then just one child. I called the place & described it. They said that yes, apparently I was carrying more then one & the bleeding should stop. Yes it thankfully did stop.
In the meantime, I kept getting strange fluttering sensations in my abdomen & pelvis, but just chalked it up to my intestinal problems. On mothers day, I went to attempt visiting my kids in Fort Myers. My ex-husband didn’t show up with them. I was so upset. Thankfully, my sister had gone with me and drove me home. I nearly freaked out on the way back. I started to feel kicking. I told my sister. She didn’t believe me. She thought that it was just something mental from missing CW & BW so much.
I waited about two weeks. The kicking kept getting stronger. I went to a midwife to get checked out. Yes, some how some way, I was still pregnant. My blood pressure was slightly elevated so she sent me to the hospital to get checked out. They did an ultrasound & I was told that I was carrying a girl. The heartbeat was fine. However, due to my blood pressure, I needed to go see a physician instead of the midwife. I got an appointment with the physicians office in a week.
I ran into JH at a picnic over the weekend. It was very apparent that I was still pregnant as my stomach had starting popping out at this time. I couldn’t hide it. I told him the truth. He was excited. He begged to come to the doctor visit with me. I agreed even though I shouldn’t have.
The day of the appointment came and he didn’t show up at the doctor office. I even made the nurse wait to take me into the room in case he was running late. The doctor told me that I had already started dilating. This was not good. It was too early. I had been going through too much stress and my body couldn’t handle it.
The doctor sent me home with a prescription and told me to be on complete bed rest. The office was also supposed to set up a home health nurse to come and put a monitor on me. However, since it was so late in the day, they couldn’t get in touch with them. They were going to work on getting in touch with the agency the next day.
I had started going into a panic. I hadn’t been at my job long enough to take that much time off. I couldn’t support myself and a child without working. I knew that JH would never be any assistance. The stress was just too much. Plus all the issues that I was having with my ex.
I ended up going into full labor in the middle of the night. My sister rushed me to the hospital. They had hooked me up to monitors. My sister kept calling JH to get him to come to the hospital. I started losing consciousness. I kept going in and out of awareness. I remember at one point looking at the nurse and telling her that I was dying. At one point my sister was standing next to me holding my hand. Next thing I know, I had an oxygen mask on and my sister was standing in the corner. I don’t remember when it happened, but it did. The nurses kept trying to keep me awake.
The time came when I finally delivered. The baby had lost her thin grip on life during the labor. There was no way to save her. The hospital left her in my room for about a day. They said that it helps the mother to understand that the baby had died.
JH never showed up. We finally got in touch with him several hours later. I didn’t tell him that the baby was in the room with me. He came to visit me. In the entire ten days that I was in the hospital, he only visited me for an hour total. I stayed in much longer due to the fact that my kidneys had shut down from the trauma of the birth.
At first, JH had promised to take me home from the hospital. I ended up having my sister do it since he never showed up. The hospital had taken pictures of the baby for a keepsake. When the pictures were ready to be picked up, I had to go pick them up myself since he never showed up to get them. When the baby’s ashes were ready to be picked up from the funeral home, I had to drive myself to get them since he never showed up. When I went to go spread the ashes in a park, I had to do it myself since he never showed up. Are you getting the picture of him yet?
Anyway, I had a huge deductible and coinsurance for the hospital. JH had promised to help me out with that. Guess what!! Six years later, he still hasn’t helped. Am I surprised? No!
I had broke off contact with him again. Out of the blue, he calls me stating that someone falsely accused him of sexually harassing them. Of course, I was completely upset. I definitely don’t want contact with someone like that. He ended up going to jail. This past November, he contacted me telling me that he got out of jail. I told him that I didn’t want him to ever contact me again. He had held up to that until last night.
I can’t understand how he can think that I could believe in him. I am not the type of person to hate. However, when he told me that he had a heart attack earlier this year, I actually was glad to hear it. I told him that since he has messed up so much, the universe was paying him back.
Ok! Enough of this rant! I just needed to get it all out.
