Wakela’s World

Last nights dream was extremely bizarre. Even though when I think about the events, it seems like it was short. While I was having the dream, it seemed like it went on all night.

The dream starts out where I am sitting in the pool area of what looks like my old house. I am out there with another female, a six year old boy and a black poodle. The dog was not one that I had owned in the past. In fact, the female and the child did not even look like people I actually know.

While sitting there, the kids next door started shooting fireworks at us over the wooden fence. At first we thought that they were bad fireworks that even though they were aiming at the sky, they were coming over at us. Then we realized that they were intentionally pointing them into our pool area. Well, the little boy started running around with a firework chasing after him. I threw the kid into the pool to get him away from the firework.

I decided that I was going to go next door. In the wooden fence between our houses there was a gate. I opened it up only to find another gate. Opening this revealed a third gate. I had to squeeze through the small opening that was left after opening all three gates. As I was opening the gates, the kids scattered.

I knocked on their back door which was made of glass. The man of the house opened the door. I explained to him what was going on. He said that his kids could not be doing things like that. I assured him that they were. So I asked him and his wife to come back to my house to see the mess.

I went straight towards the gates that I had left open. Previously I had not noticed that between the gates and a phone pole was a chain link fence that wasn’t even up to our knees. The couple placed their hands on the pole for balance and stepped up onto the chain link fence. Then they hoped down onto the other side. It was much easier then trying to squeeze through the small opening, but that is what I had done. I went back through the gates.

Once over there, I was showing them the damage that was caused by the fireworks. I told them that one was even chasing my son around the pool. This child is not my real life son. Then the poodle started doing a little dance show for the people. It apparently liked to perform.

The next door neighbors six year old daughter drove up in a car into our backyard. She was drunk and even had a beer in her hand. They were not even surprised she had been drinking or even driving for that matter. I was outraged. They apparently let their kids do whatever they want. The lady who was in the backyard with me started asking me if I had seen “cousin Raul”. I kept telling her no. She became frantic looking for him. I don’t have any cousins named Raul.

That was one of the most bizarre dreams that I have had in quite some time.

If you have any insight into what this dream meant, please leave a comment.

Well, everything is all moved over. This totally sucks!! I hate it here. My computer is downstairs. I have it hooked up and I am using boxes to create a desk. Brenda offered to buy one and I pay her back later. I am just too tired and depressed to go to a store. I don’t have internet access at the moment. I need to get a wireless router set up in order to even do that. Debbie offered to let me set my computer & desk up in her office. She was supposed to move the couch out so I could set it up. She knew that I would be completely moved over as of today. Do you think anything is moved? Of course not!! I hate my life!!

A few years ago, my mom had read a book called “Messengers” by Julia Ingram and GW Hardin. This book is supposedly a true story about a man named Nick Bunick who is able to communicate with angels. Nick states that one of the main ways that the angels communicate with us is through 444. He had started noticing that the number kept appearing in various ways whenever the angels were with him, such as time, signs, etc.

Well, today I was very upset and depressed. I was to the point that I wanted to walk out on my job. I finally left the office around 3pm to go get lunch. At Burger King, I ordered the Angus combo. This should have cost me a little over $5 since the base price without tax is $5.07. However, some way my bill came out to $4.44. I asked the guy if the total was correct. He said that it was. When I got the receipt none of it made sense. It was talking about the angus as only 98 cents and some fish sandwich. My order was completely correct though. I got the angus combo. Some way it was rung up so that it equaled exactly $4.44.

I felt like this was my mom watching over me. Letting me know that everything is going to be ok. It was really soothing for me. I was desperately needing a sign from her. I had been feeling so alone up until then.

Most people don’t understand how I can feel so alone all the time. I try to explain that I can feel completely alone in a full room of people I know. I don’t know why I am like this, but I am. I know that it isn’t healthy. I just don’t know what to do. I went to counceling for a few years when alot of things were going on with my ex. However, this wasn’t something that I was able to “fix”. At that time, my depression had lessened. I know that it has been worse again. I am trying to deal with it. I think I have been handling it well so far. Only a few major break downs.

I am thankful that I have had a few people who I was able to talk to when I was at my worst. I know that Brazen is probably sick of my by now.

Well, I need to get back to packing. I have only been getting a few hours of sleep per night trying to get things done around here. I just don’t feel like I am going to get it all done in time. I don’t want my sisters mad at me if I still have stuff to pack on Sat. I am exhausted to the point that I am getting sick.

I just keep telling myself that if I finish completely on Sat, then I can sleep all day on Sunday and worry about unpacking next weekend.

Well life has been totally sucky!! I am having to move in with DC & SC. Their house is a total disaster area. There are boxes everywhere there. NS, BC & I went over to start moving some of my stuff there this weekend. The room that I am supposed to have still had some of their crap in it. That slowed us down a bit. We had to move that out. My body aches from head to toe. I have been puking all morning. I am pushing my body past its limits. But I need to. I have to be completely out of here for next weekend. I only have a little bit more to pack and move over there. Then I can completely just pass out. I keep ignoring the chest pains I have been having. I am not sure if they are anxiety related, stress related, or heart related. I have been putting off having my cardiac panel done again because I know its still going to be way too high.

My mom finally passed away last night. I wish I could say that it was completely peaceful. She was gasping for air at the end. I am just so glad that she is no longer in any pain. Her pain had become her existence. That is no way to be. She can now be at peace.

I may only have a few friends, but I am thankful for the ones that I do have. Even those that I have met over the internet. All of those cyberhugs help!! Thank you for all of your support.

Well, I found out last night that one of my cousin’s had passed away. He was in a very bad motorcycle accident a few years ago. He was DOA at the hospital. They were able to revive him. His health was pretty bad after that. He died in his sleep on Thursday night. They think that his heart had given out. I just hope that he went peacefully and didn’t suffer.

May Wayne rest in peace

I also got a call from my sister Brenda today. My mom’s knee seems to be getting worse. I am not staying with her right now. I am staying at my sister Debbie’s house. Nancy and Brenda are talking about taking my mom to the emergency room if it gets any worse.

Ok. So right now, I am staying at my sister DC’s house watching her dog. I have been here for two nights now. Last night was totally bizarre. Today is my late day at work, so I don’t have to wake up early or anything. I first woke up at around 7am. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Way too early!! I don’t even need to be up until 10am. So I roll right back over and fall asleep. I went into such a deep sleep that time!! It was wonderful. Next thing I know (in my sleep), I hear a woman saying “Norma, don’t you want to wake up?” I don’t recall hearing myself answer her. I remember (in my sleep) just rolling myself deeper into the blankets and ignoring her. She starts to push me off the bed. I feel myself falling. It seemed like forever. Next thing I know, I wake up. I was still in the bed. I only had a sheet covering me. Not the heavy blanket that was in that dream. It felt so real though. When I woke up, I was very groggy & disoriented. I had only fallen back asleep for about an hour and a half. It almost feels like I may have been out of my body and she pushed me back into it. Hmmmmm!!!

Ok so I have not had internet access at home for almost a month now. This is really getting to me. I am so used to playing my games & such. Well, I am using someone else’s computer to type this. I don’t have too much time though. Hopefully, I will get back online sometime soon

Ok so last night I dreamt that my job was a prison. I don’t mean that I got a new job in a jail. I mean that my current job had bars on the windows and we were there doing time.

I guess that this would be a perfect metafor for the way that I am feeling about my job lately. I still like working with all the people there. Its just that every time I turn around someone is adding a new project to my plate. I already have way more things to do then there are hours in the day. (And I am not talking about 8 hour shift, I am talking 24 hour day!!)

It has gotten to the point that everything that they want me to do, just can’t physically be done by one person. In fact, I don’t think it can be physically done by two people. I am slacking off on so many of them because it is just too much. I am burning out really fast!

They keep wanting me to come in on weekends now to work overtime to get this stuff done. I am getting so burned out that I just don’t want to. It is becoming such an ordeal to get myself ready for work. I have gotten to the point that I just don’t want to go and have to fight with myself to get ready.

Yes, my thyroid is coming under control, but the key word is “coming”. I am still not there yet. They have to understand, that I am one person only! Yes I may know alot of information because I started in the medical field back in 1988. However, I am one who is still trying to get her health back in order.

I love earning the extra money in overtime, but I can’t do it every weekend. They don’t understand that there are many weekends that I will literally sleep from Friday night until Sunday morning because my body is trying to recuperate just from working.

I literally don’t do anything but work, play computer games, grocery shop. That is all my life consists of any more. I haven’t had the energy to go out and do anything in ages.

I am supposed to be reconciling the various PACs systems on a daily basis. I haven’t had the time to do that in several months. I am supposed to be checking the router in order to discard old films that are no longer being kept on site. I don’t have enough hours in the day to do that. I am supposed to be working the incoming faxes to make appointments for them. I keep falling behind because there isn’t enough time.

Where is my time spent? I have to field incoming calls. I have to attempt to get prescriptions and referrals ready for the next day’s appointments. There have been times I have been on hold with physician’s offices for over ten minutes. When you have three rooms to prepare, that can add up to alot of patients. That equals a lot of hold time. I also have to put out minor IT fires that arise. The past few days we have been having issues with the router. That takes me away from my other things. Well guess what! Its not like I get any help if I am away doing that. Then we have the fact that certain doctor’s offices will only call and talk to me. I know its nice for them to have a certain point of contact, but come on already. I have too much crap to do that prevents me from being the logical choice. They need to have an employee who works doctor office hours and only works the phones who is the point of contact.

I hate the way things have become there. I just don’t know anymore. It really is becoming too much for me to handle. Complaining only goes on deaf ears.

Perfect example is Mondays. I come in to work at 7am and leave at 3:30pm. I am stuck at the front desk until 10:30am. So from 10:30am until noon I am racing through all the faxes that came in over the weekend and that morning trying to figure out if any of them already have appointments or not. The ones that do, I put the paperwork in the appropriate place. If not, I put it aside to call the patient’s later. I then go to lunch at noon. When I come back at 12:30pm, I have to start getting things together for the next day’s patients. Here is where the problem arises. Most offices are on service from noon until 2pm. So I literally only have from 2pm until 3:30pm to call the doctors. I can’t work it any other way. I have to do the faxes first so that I can tell if there is anything that I need for the next day from there.

Well, I am doing this while still trying to take incoming calls. The majority of the time, I am only able to do a half assed job. I hate that! That is not the way I work.

If things don’t change soon, I am going to have to find another job!!

Well, Krys just got her new computer yesterday. She is still trying to get everything set back up on it & configured that way that she likes it. I just can’t wait until she can get back into EQ2. It sucks that SOE messed the game up so that no one with Win98 or WinME can log in. They keep saying that they are trying to fix it, but it has been a few weeks now. That is just insane.

I ordered my new cell phone. I should have it on Tuesday. I found out that it was cheaper for me to order over the internet then to go to the store. I wasn’t even charged shipping and handling. I am saving about $60. Plus there is a $20 rebate once I get the phone. So that is a HUGE savings.

The choice was for a new cell phone & get rid of the crap I have or an additional RAM chip for my puter. I decided that the cell phone was the more important of the two. I can’t wait.

Grr!! I have been having a lot of problems sleeping lately. I get really tired all of a sudden, sleep for about half an hour, then I am wide awake for a few hours. This is not good.

I can’t believe that Charmed is ending tonight!! That is so not good!! I have been watching that show since the day it started. It is a great show! There are very few TV shows that I will actually watch. That was one of them.

Well, I am going to try to get a little bit more sleep before I have to go grocery shopping.