Wakela’s World

As you can tell by a lot of my more recent posts, I have fallen by the wayside with blogging.

That unfortunately isn’t the only thing. I have completely fallen by the wayside in all things spiritual as well.

I have decided that I need to reconnect with the goddess within. I need to break out my tarot decks and start doing readings again. I need to start lighting my nightly candles and doing blessings. I need to rebuild my altar and pray.

When I was still living with my mom, I had my altar set up at all times. I would meditate in front of it on a regular basis. I was doing some work on myself to help get through tough times.

After my mom passed away, I went into a very dark time. Then I was forced to move out of our house and felt empty and cold. Even though I am living with my sister, I no longer have that safe haven. My parents had bought that house over 10 years before I was born. I lived there until my marriage. I moved back during my divorce. My energy was everywhere in that house. It felt safe.

I have only been in this house about a year. The majority of the energy here is chaotic since my brother-in-law and my sister fight constantly. I feel like I am constantly being buffeted about on a current of foreign energy.

Its time that I start setting up my space. I need to get the energy in my room cleared. I need to take that place over as mine. I may not be able to calm the rest of the house down as I was able to do with my mom’s house, but I can at least make a safe haven for me.

My mom was really great with me being a pagan. In fact, even though my mom was a Christian, she tended to have many new age/pagan beliefs. She was a master practitioner in Reiki. She believed in speaking with the dead. In fact, she used to own a Ouija board when I was much younger. I think her beliefs are what truly inspired me to look beyond conventional religion and find my own place in the world.

So our internet was down most of the day.

Actually I have to admit that for some reason I slept until 2pm today. I didn’t go to bed really late. Heck I normally go to bed around 2am or 3am. Last night I went to sleep at 1am. So I guess you could say that I actually went to sleep early.

Well, when I woke up, I couldn’t log onto the internet. So I ended up just playing games offline. It sucked because I was really hoping to get online for a little bit earlier today. It didn’t finally come up until 7pm.

At least I can get online now.

So the first thing I did when I got online was play Kingdom of Loathing. If you love tongue in cheek humor then you will love this game. It is entirely text based. There are some stick figures to break up the text. However, you really have to read the text. It is completely hilarious. There is something there to find for all ages.

One adventure I had was with something (sorry can’t remember exactly) singing the Rainbow Connection (song by Kermit the Frog in one of the Muppet Movies) but it was done like Yoda. It was completely oddball.

It is completely free to play. It is a basic adventure game. You can choose from several classes to play: pastamancer, sauceror, seal clubber, turtle tamer, disco bandit, and accordion thief. Each class has different spells that they can learn from their respective guilds.

The Kingdom celebrates several holidays: The Feast of Boris, Yuletide, Festival of Jarlsberg, St. Sneaky Pete’s Day, Valentine’s day, Oyster Day, El Dia De Los Muertos Borrachos, Generic Summer Holiday, Dependence Day, Arrrrbor Day, Labór Day, and Halloween. It has its own calendar, so the holidays roll around much more often. In fact, The Feast of Boris is coming up on January 20th.

Each holiday has its own adventures, items, foods, and drinks. They are a lot of fun.

Well, I am going to go read.

As some of you are aware, our house has been on the market for over a year. However, with the way the market is at the moment, things just aren’t selling.

So we decided to start looking at upgrading or changing out some of the things in the house to make it look more presentable. In November, we had new countertops installed in the kitchen.

My sister and I are just not happy with the way the bathrooms look. We needed a place to buy discount bathroom fixtures. It took me awhile until I found a great place.

This place has tons of things and not just for the bathroom. They have tables, chairs, ceiling fans (a necessity in Florida!) and much more. I love the fact that they even have fixtures that have an antique look to them. If we were staying in this house, I would go all crazy decorating just from this one site.

I can’t wait until we move! I have bookmarked some wonderful things that I want to have done in the new house.

Here is a faucet that I would love to have.

Isn’t that absolutely gorgeous? And I can’t decide which sink for it to go with though.

or

They even have some really great cheap lights too!! From the bathroom light selection, I would love to get this light.

Ok, back to planning my room and bathroom in the new house! I can see a ton more things to get.

My best friend Krystae is being bombarded by a crazy person with messages on x-fire. That person has he confused with someone else. Krystae Lunalupus has been my real life for almost 20 years. They are saying she is someone named Kristin or something like that. Krysta has never lived in Titusville, South Carolina, California, or anything other then where she is currently living.

This person quernica33 or guernica33 has definitely mistaken her for someone else. In a matter of 2 days, she received 54 messages from that person.

I was born in 1971 and Krysta is younger then me. Whereas the person they believe her to be was born in 1967.

She is actually getting fearful for her life since this person is threatening her. I suggested she call the police but since we don’t know anything about this person, we can’t.

He is quoting information off of her website and her myspace page. He really thinks that she is the other person.

Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do?

I am finally getting around to updating old information. Such as I went and got my spicypage updated. Now I am updating my technorati settings.

The URL for my technorati profile is Technorati Profile

I have a few more things to get updated and this blog should be doing good.

OMG! Right now I am so pissed off. I woke up in such a great mood too!

I have 3 sisters. They are NS, DC, and BC. I live with DC.

My oldest sister (NS) is 17 years older then me. I barely even know her. She got married when I was only 1 year old. After she moved out of the house, she didn’t really have anything to do with us. She came back to the family briefly when my dad died. She came back to the family briefly last year when my mom died. Since January, I haven’t seen nor heard from her. The only time she talks to DC is when she needs money. In fact, once my mom died, NS stated that we were no longer a family and we were all going our separate ways.

My second oldest (DC) is 16 years older then me. She has always been there throughout my life. She could be such a pain in the ass, but she cares about me. She treats me like family. After my mom passed away and I had no where to go, she took me in. She makes sure that I get to the doctors when I have appointments and gets the medicines that I need.

The youngest of my sisters (BC) is 12 years older then me. This is the one that I had always felt closest with. We used to have some friends in common. I had a falling out with one of them. Every time I was around BC, she would bitch me out that I need to just be friends with that person because of the problems it causing. I was getting excluded more and more out of BCs life. After my mom’s death, BC agreed with NS’s statement about going our separate ways.

Well, BC called me a few days ago to get my email address because NS wanted to have a baking party and invite me. Of course, NS won’t pick up the phone herself and call me. She has BC do it. So I get a very impersonal email from NS inviting me to a baking party today and to her house on Christmas. Now first off, both BC and NS know that DC works on Saturdays every weekend from 7 am until 7 pm. They invited her too. This made me think that it was a regular baking party where you invite all your friends over, drink wine and bake up a storm.

Today, I get a call from BC asking if I was going. Of course, it wasn’t from NS. I told her that I wasn’t. She said “Oh then I guess its just going to be me and NS. So if only “family” (and I use that term loosely with them) was invited, why not do it on a day when DC could come too. Or were they purposely trying to exclude her? Now that pisses me off.

Then BC proceeds to ask me about Christmas and if I was going. I said no. Now the reason that they asked in the first place was because DC is going with her husband to his family’s house for a few days. I couldn’t get one of those days off from work. So I am staying here by myself. I am not in the Christmas mood because I just keep picturing my mom lying on that bed last year. So I really don’t want to be around anyone celebrating. So anyway, BC then asks if I would rather be alone then with family. I tell her that we weren’t family. Heck, they had even stated that we weren’t. I mean really.

I think that the reason they are even inviting me is nefarious anyway. My mom had never updated her will from when my dad was dying. At that time, NS had come back to the family and had made promises of staying with the family. She had even moved into the house for a short period. Since I was only 16 and my mom knew she needed surgery and didn’t think she would make it through it, she rewrote her will leaving custody of me to NS and leaving everything to her in order to take care of me.

Well, fast forward 20 years, my mom never updated her will. My sister NS had nothing to do with the family all those years. Now she has to sell my mom’s house. After the medical bills, NS is still left owing over $10k. BC and I are always broke. We never have any money. Whereas, DC and her husband have a lot of money. So the first thing that NS did was have her little lackey BC call up DC and tell her about how NS needs money.

Now, DC had already given NS money towards bills. She had also given BC money towards a trip. Once again, they are reaching their hands out. They know that DC has always treated me like I was her own kid. They also know that if they can butter me up a bit, then I can convince DC to give them the money. That is the only reason they are even inviting me. Well, I don’t like it. I don’t want to be used like that. So they can kiss my ass.

From this point on, I have one sister only. DC is my one and only sister.

Last night was a little bizarre. Normally, when I log off the computer, I go downstairs and watch a little TV before going to sleep. I can never go right to sleep because the walk down the stairs always seems to wake me up a little bit.

Anyway, I normally switch back and forth between Nick At Night or the Food Network. These are usually the only channels that have anything worth watching. I have gotten to the point that I don’t even channel surf anymore.

Last night, for some unknown reason, I started channel surfing. As I was flipping through channels, I was taken aback to see someone I knew on TV. Flipping through, I passed by a channel where Michelle Whitedove was on. At first, I thought it was that local show that she used to have. Actually, she might still have it, I don’t really know. Come to find out it was America’s Psychic Challenge. I had never even heard of that show before.

I first met Michelle in 1998 or 1999. My mom, my sister B, and I had signed up at a local high school for a night class in raising your psychic awareness. The class was taught by Michelle. We learned a lot in the class.

Once that class was over, we took her follow up class at the same high school. After that we were invited into her home along with a few other people for private teaching. It was really nice. We were all able to get a lot of one on one time with her.

Since the days where we were taking her classes, she has had a TV show, wrote several books, and toured the country giving lectures.

I am so glad that she won. At one point I was yelling at the TV though. There was a challenge where the psychics had to find a man buried alive. Several times she was standing directly on top of the box. She was hesitant about deciding between two spots. The host asked her why she was hesitant. About the wrong spot, she said that she wasn’t sure why she was wanting to choose it. About the right spot, she said that her spirit guides were telling her that was the right place. I was yelling at the TV. One thing she always stressed to us in the classes was to listen to our guides. Eventually she went with what the guides told her. Once the psychics think they know where he is, they have to put the picture of him down on the ground. The host stated that she put the picture down in the geometric center of the box that he was in. The other psychic picked a spot that was 50 yards away.

CONGRATULATIONS MICHELLE!

Yesterday was an extremely irritating day at work. It seems that patients were just really getting under everyone’s skin. There are certain things that patients do that really are irresponsible and annoying.

1. Don’t call to make an appointment while driving! You know we are going to ask questions that you will need to get things out of your purse or pocket in order to answer. It is not safe to do this while driving. I have literally had patients tell someone else in the car to “hold the wheel while I get my wallet out of my back pocket”. How safe is that? You can wait the few minutes it will take to get to your destination BEFORE calling us to make your appointment. We will still be there.

2. Don’t call if you don’t know what test you are scheduling! How can you not know what the doctor is sending you for? Don’t you ask questions? You would be surprised how many patients can’t even tell me the part of body that we are doing the test on. Don’t they know what is bothering them?

3. Don’t schedule your elementary school child to have a fasting exam after school and be upset with them because they ate! We find it horrific if you think it is ok to starve your child all day for a test. We schedule tests early in the morning and some tests on saturdays. Please make use of these times. It really will be ok if the child goes to school about an hour late. It will be better then starving them all day! I can guarantee that if the parent needed the test, they would schedule it first thing in the morning.

4. Of course you can’t hear me, the TV is on full blast! I am sick and tired of people calling up with the TV or radio blasting in the background and then have the nerve to tell me that they can’t hear me. Of course they can’t. Turn it down before making the call. You don’t need to hear the song or watch the program that bad. If you don’t want to miss a second of it, then call afterwards.

5. Don’t immediately assume that someone speaks the same language as you do. I live in an English speaking country. Yes the area I live in has a huge population of Spanish speakers. However, we don’t all speak Spanish. Please do not assume that we do. You don’t want to know how many times people will call up and immediately start speaking Spanish. Then I have to tell them that I only speak a little. They actually get upset that I only speak a little. Hello!! I am not Hispanic. My parents are from Canada. My grandparents are from England and Scotland. There isn’t an ounce of Hispanic blood in me. Yes I have learned a little. I made the effort. However, most of these people that call can speak perfect English yet refuse to speak it. I don’t mind the patients who call and can’t speak English. They are usually the ones who will try to work with me the most. They will speak slowly and use smaller, easier words. I can usually help those the easiest. However, we have patients (and even employees of other doctor’s offices) who will call up and speak rapid fire Spanish then get mad because I don’t understand them. They will then speak perfect English, but talk to me like I am an idiot.

6. Don’t get mad at us if you doctor’s office hasn’t faxed anything over. Instead of calling us every ten minutes for an entire day. Call you doctor’s office and either have them fax it directly to you or go there in person and pick it up. We are not responsible for your paperwork. We have a very organized system of keeping track of everything that comes in. However, there are many times when it just never comes over. You are an adult. Start to accept responsibility for your own body and what needs to be done.

7. Know your insurance plan! You won’t believe how many people ask us on the phone what their copay is. We won’t know until we call to verify the insurance. However, when you signed up for your insurance, you were given a book that describes in great detail your benefits. If you want to know that badly (where you are going to curse at us because we don’t know), then look it up in your book. Or better yet, call yourself. There is a toll free phone number on the back of your insurance card that will provide you with all sorts of information if you call. Also you might want to familiarize yourself with your insurance company’s website. They tend to have information like that listed there as well. Plus you would be surprised at some of the interesting things you will find there as well.

Ok enough of the rant. I just really needed to get that out of my system!

If you have never visited Hootin’ Anni’s blog, then I suggest you speed on over the right now. She is a wonderful lady and has some really great posts over there.

I first came across her blog in the Thursday Thirteen list. I am definitely glad that I did.

This month, she is giving away little “treats” to those who visit her blog. I was the lucky recipient of one of those treats.

Right now blogger has photo posting down… So I have to use a link from another location to post the little treat.

A Halloween Treat from Hootin’ Anni

Each day up until Halloween [October 31st]
Hootin’ Anni will be handing out
a treat for 1 - 5[one to five] bloggers who drop by
during the week for visiting.
You’re more than welcomed to pass it along
to ones you think are deserving of a special treat
for the season.

Kinda like “Pay it Forward”
Y’know, one goodwill gesture deserves another?
But DON’T just choose your friends
making this cliquish and ‘just groupies’…
Make NEW friends by choosing random visitors!!!
It seems that ‘awards’ are floating around blogland
and just “blog friends” get chosen all the time.
Make it RANDOM!!If you do decide to share it with others
then, USE THIS “TREAT” IMAGE and
link it back to my blog and
explain where the idea originated.

I have decided to pass it along as well.

1 - Miss Meliss @ Escribition
2 - Gellianne @ Everyday Adventures

I am not sure if I will have a chance to pass it on more than this. Work is a little hectic this month.

Last night, I did a lot of soul searching. I had been in emotional pain for a very long time. I felt that I need to start really taking a look at what was causing some of this pain. So last night I sat down and wrote in my regular journal. By the time the entry was done, my hand was cramped around my pen (now I remember why I hate writing instead of typing!) and I was in tears. It was a very cathartic experience for me.

Here is what I wrote:

I had been trying to win her love all of my life. I always felt that I was never good enough, never pretty enough. I was just a kid. I didn’t understand. Why didn’t she love me like all the other mommies? Why was she always distant?

The only times she would interact with mer was with Ms. Frances.

My mom had been sick before I was born. It was always “leave me alone, I don’t feel good” or “You don’t know what its like to be in so much pain”.

I never gave up though. I wanted her love so baldy. I remember after my dad died, she was sitting in the back room crying. I went and sat beside her. I wanted to comfort her and be comforted by her. I was only 16. I didn’t have the coping skills to deal with this. I was lost. I felt abandoned. I didn’t have anywhere to turn. Instead of hugging me though. She pushed me away and told me that she wished it were me that died instead of him. I didn’t understand.

It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that she saw alot of herself in me. She hadn’t wanted me dead, she wanted herself dead. But I didn’t understand at that time. I had finally made peace with my mom. I even finally got her love. Now she is gone. Now I am alone once again. I have no where to turn once again.

I just hope that I can find that core of strength that she had within me. She was always some how able to keep going on no matter what. I just don’t think I am as strong.

I miss you mommy. I just wish I had told you more often how much I loved you. And how much I admired you. It took alot of courage for you to go back to school in your 40s. You did it though. You became a nurse and patients loved you. You helped so many while working at the hospital. Even though you were sick and in pain, you kept going.

I don’t think I can. I don’t know how. I feel like my life just isn’t worth anything. I feel so empty.

What is my purpose for still being alive? There has to be some reason for it. If there wasn’t then I would have already been called back to the Summerlands (or heaven as my mommy calls it)

Do you ever watch over me mommy? Do you miss me? I miss you!